Emotional Intelligence after divorce

Emotional maturity is a thing to master. I'm still recovering from wounds of my marriage that ended over 7 years ago. Triggers happen and I didn't even know certain things still bugged me!
How do you get your SO to forgive you after you've said something that hurt their feelings and they have now put a wall up. Anyone dated Military before? Isn't easy is it? They are trained a certain way, some can separate their civilian/military worlds, some can't. I have dated both. Luckily the relationship I am in right now my BF is mature and can be vulnerable with me, for the most part.
But I had a trigger the other day. The silent treatment. Such torture when you know your SO is usually talkative and then the next not so much. He has asked me to be patient when he goes silent and he'll eventually tell me. But for me I learned for 20 years that if things were silent, I screwed up and did something wrong. Now that "wrong" could've been anything from didn't get the dishes done before he got home from work (ie. lazy) to I didn't "care" enough to hear about the bills that month.
I'm amazed at what a sudden divorce did to me. I've learned so much about myself and I am still learning. Being with someone that is very Alpha and took over from 16 years old really did it's number. I have used alcohol to suppress a lot of feelings I didn't and sometimes still don't know how to handle. I have also now learned that I need self control in a lot of areas.
Please, leave a comment and tell me how you have overcome your mental/verbal/emotional/physical abuse. How have you helped yourself in recovering and healing?
Great book on Emotional Intelligence:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/emotional-intelligence-daniel-goleman/1101751739?ean=9780553903201&st=PLA&sid=BNB_%5BADL%5D%20%5BEBooks%5D%20%5BGeneric%5D%20(Medium)&sourceId=PLABiNA&dpid=tdtve346c&2sid=Bing_c&msclkid=4e80db06d44d1ba3dfb3869210bb7afd&adlclid=ADL-6dd48c84-277d-4248-98c3-a4963039ec86

If you or someone you know is being abused:
https://www.thehotline.org/